yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
