I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
