...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
