i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
