so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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