dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Randomize
