girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Why are your pants in the freezer?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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