I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
