If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
