We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize