I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize