True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
