I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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