he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
