i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
