The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
