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Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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