Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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