You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
