there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize