Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
