I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
