why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
