Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
be right there i have to get my cape
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
