im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
