I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
