My girlfriend figured out who you are.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
