alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
