That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
