he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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