last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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