everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize