my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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