By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
