Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
