it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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