I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
