On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
