Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
