A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
