Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
