I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
