My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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