hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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