I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
