Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
