I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
