a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
