DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize