he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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