I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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