Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
