Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
