its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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