I saw his package. It spoke to me.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
