Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
