The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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