Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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