what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
