I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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