Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
