Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
