Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
