Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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