Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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