JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
