why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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