she woke up with a sticky ear
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
