Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
